UNIT 3 CRUCIAL COACHING SKILLS

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• Indeed,many people do.However, the majorityof people only listen at a certain level and that level is simplynot good enough for coaching. Listening is a discipline thatneeds as much practice as anything else.

1. Level 1 – self
   1. Classic conversational style.Things said by 1 person will create thoughts in z other person’s head abt themselves & how they relate2what was just said

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      • Oh I have got this really annoying problem at work. Really,what’s happening? My boss doesn’t care about my ideas – he seemsto think only he has the best ideas. Oh, I know just what you mean.My bossis the same. It’s a real pain isn’t it!
2. Level 2 – fully engaged with the other person
   1. Listenr makes > effort2put aside their assumptns & undrstand what's really happnin 4 z prson talkin. It's often chrcterisd by detailed q & fact findin

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      • Oh I have got this really annoying problemat work. Really,what’s happening? My boss doesn’t care about my ideas – he seemsto think only he has the best ideas. In what way? Well,when I suggest something he just doesn’teven acknowledge it. Hmm, that must be frustrating.How is he withother employees? Pretty much the same! Has anyone told him about it?
3. Level 3 – learning centred
   1. Listening 4 what someone needs 2 talk & learn about, not what u want 2 find out// A holistic form of listening where everything comes into play @ once

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      • Oh I have got this really annoying problem at work. Really,what’s happening? My boss doesn’t care about my ideas – he seems tothink only he has the best ideas. In what way? Well,when I suggest something he just doesn’teven acknowledge it. What’s your main concern? Well, I know it’s not personal cos’he’s like it with everyone but I just wish I could get my ideas across What do you want to happen then? I think I need to figure out a way to raise the issue with him! --------- In this example, the listener has sought to ask questions which helpthe person talking come to a new level of understanding or decision.This is significantly different to simply finding out detail,whichuncovers what the talker already knows rather than helping themfind something new.
4. Listen 2 ur intuition

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   • What precisely creates the intuition is lessimportant than the fact that you feel it.For some, instinct is amysticalsense of ‘knowing’, for others it is the accumulation of experiencesover a lifetime that allow subtle messages to be understood almostunconsciously leading to a feeling we call intuition.Whatever it is, ithas a role in coaching which can create leaps in a coaching process.Intuition can be felt inmanyways and itwould serve no great purposeto list every occasion where intuition can bear fruit.The key is toremember that when you get that intuitive feeling, then it is usuallywise to pursue it with the client in some way.A classic case for intuition is when somebody says they are going todo something and you just feel that they are not.You may not havea lot to go on but remember your role is to help them move forward.If you sense doubt or ambivalence then it is right to tackle this usingquestioning to get to the root of your intuitive concern.You may even frame the question in this way: It’s hard to put a finger on it, but I sense somehesitation in you.Where might that be coming from?

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• For a start, a coach is generally not asking questions tofind out facts for themselves but to help the client learn. It is veryimportant to understand this difference and to do so it isworth lookingat what kinds of questions there are.

1. Closed

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   • These questions have been given a bad reputation from yearsof bashing in management training.They are the black sheep of thequestion family. In reality however they are extremely usefulwhen usedin the appropriate places.A simple“yes”or “no”can be useful.They are problematic when used at the wrong time.Any question thataims to expand information should be phrased in an open manneravoiding the closed question.Closed questions are typified by the fact they begin with verbs suchas “can”,“do”,“are”,“will”,“did”etc.The verb formation generally forcesthe “yes”or “no” answer. So,“Have you been to France?”,“Did you dowhat I asked?”,“Will you go back to the office again?”all suggest a“yes”or “no”answer.This is fine if that’s all you need.They can also lead toopen questions.
   1. Need 2B used wz care as they'll lead conversations down z path z coach s considerin rather than in a more fluid manner allowin 2 explore own thoughts
2. Open

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   • They are however the staple tool of agood coach and need to be developed into finely honed instrumentsto support and create client learning
   1. where,when & who generally find facts which r already known.

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      • Where did you go? ParisWhen did you go? EasterWho with? Jim  
   2. How & what can allow for greater thought:

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      • How will you go to Paris?Hmmm,well I could fly, or maybe get thetrain, or perhaps I could swim!What do want to do in Paris?Well, I think I’ll visit the Louvre, andmaybe I’ll go to the Eiffel Tower, oh and Iwant to go to the Moulin Rouge!Why do you want to go to Paris?I don’t know, it just feels like a goodplace to go;maybe it’s the old film I sawa few years back or maybe that holidayshow I saw last week
   3. Be careful of “why”but don’t be scared of it. It can be very powerful to ask why someone wants something. on the other side, can sound accusatory

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      • This is understandable.“Whyhave you done that?”can sound accusatory. It can produce excuses.It isworth being aware of the strength of“why”to generate a negativeresponse.However,what about “What did you do that for?”or “Whereon Earth are you going?”Not too positive either!The key to questioning is the context, the rapport and the intonation.Be careful of “why”but don’t be scared of it. It can be very powerfulto ask why someone wants something.After all, if you don’t know whythey want it can you know the importance of it? Some coaches willtry to get around this by asking questions such as“What would havingthatmoney give you?”But people don’t ask questions like this in therealworld sowhy not ask it theway it should be asked,“can you saywhyyou want that money?”
3. Hypothetical

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   • These‘what if’questions create an alternative reality or future possibilityand are very useful in coaching.“If you could have what you want tomorrow without it upsettinganyone,what would it be?” After all, the“complex reality”may merely beshort terminconvenience and confusion and the clarification achievedby the hypothetical question could be crucial in developing a decision.
   1. Allows someone 2 explore something out of context & therefore come to a conclusion unencumbered by the complex reality of the situation
4. Rhetorical

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   • “What on Earth did you think you were doing!!” said in a certain tone ofvoice does not require an answer.You know you are in trouble and alogical answer is not expected at this point!Similarly,“How long is a piece of string?”does not require an answersuch as “two feet long”. It is not a real question
   1. Don’t have a big role in coaching as they don’t create learning.They may have a use in general communication and rapport building but little less
5. Leading

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   • A question such as“Do you think you are being a bit unfair on your partner?”does notmean what it literally says,“Do you think….?”.What it’s really saying is“I, the coach, have judged that you are being unfair on your partnerand I’m going to get you to admit it!”
   1. the real no-no in coaching
6. Compound

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   • In themselves, they may contain good questions but asking a clientmore than one question at a time can cause confusion as theymay notknow which one best to focus on.A compound question such as“Whatwould it look like if you were successful and what would it mean toyou if you were unsuccessful and which is the biggest driving factor?”serves only to confuse and fog the issue.What should be dealtwith first?Does he or she even remember the first question by the time the thirdone is posed?
   1. Steer clear of compound qs. Ask 1 question @ a time!
7. “KISS the client” Keep It Short & Simple

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   • Questions like this tend to be long or complex such as “If you were incontrol of your life,what would that look like?”There is a problemwitha question like this even though it does sound impressively“coachy”.It doesn’t really make sense! In the coaching world,we get used toasking what something would look like but non-coach people don’toperate in that way.Control is an abstract idea; so how can it look likeanything? Some individuals may understand this very well and beable to answer it but others will find this difficult to come to terms with.Worse still are questions where the coach throws in all the sensoryperception words they can think of in the hope that one will stick!“What will that look, feel and sound like?”Again, some people mayreact well but most will end up simply playing the coaching game.Instead speak as youwould anyone.So instead of saying“What would you see, feel and hear if you werewhere you want to be now?” ask “What would that mean to you?”Another problemcoaches have in asking questions is a fear that askingonce is not enough.Or that the question isn’t having the desiredeffect.This can result in coaches asking essentially the same questionin many different ways: “So how would it feel if you got that right?What would that mean to you if it were right? I mean, how importantto you is it that it’s right?”Instead, ask once, be confident in your question and then stay quiet.This is now the client’s thinking time, the learning time.